One effect of my cancer diagnosis has been an intensification of my concern for the world. At a time when I imagined I might spend my days in quiet introspection, I find instead my whole body tensing in preparation to fight some injustice or other. God, I am so angry....
I suspect that the phrase most guaranteed to make those living with cancer cringe is, ‘You’re so brave!’ Of course, when people say this, I smile sweetly and receive the compliment graciously. But it’s odd the effect the phrase has on me. I feel at once elevated – and...
For millions of people living with cancer, life can feel like it’s in the balance on the day we get our scan results. Is the treatment working? And what if it isn’t? It is the morning of the day I get the results of my three-monthly scan to check how my cancer is...
This World Cancer Day, I've been wondering if this wretched disease has taught me anything... Hollywood actor Stanley Tucci was asked in a recent radio interview what he thought was the best way to deal with cancer. He was diagnosed with oral cancer in 2018 and...
What happens when you discover that self-reliance is an illusory state and that you are, in fact, nothing but a burden? Self-reliance was one of the qualities most actively extolled when I was growing up. Much effort was devoted by my parents, school, even Girl...
When I was diagnosed with incurable cancer, I was woefully unprepared for the possibility of my death. And while our NHS has offered excellent medical care, there has been a conspicuous absence of emotional support alongside my treatment. I needed a ‘place’ and a...
How do people living with cancer cope with 'scanxiety'? Today I will make my way to Cannock Hospital for my three-monthly CT scan. I know the drill. I will sign in at the reception desk, quoting my NHS number (I know it by heart), then make my way to a waiting...
I’ve been rageful for so long and it’s exhausting. It’s time for me to get even. I can’t turn back the clock. I can change nothing about the delays in getting my cancer diagnosed. But I can pass on the lessons of my experience, and I find some solace in that, enough...
I am one of the nine per cent of Britons who think about death at least once a day. According to YouGov Death Study research, 20 per cent of us think about death several times during the week while seven per cent say they think about it less than once a year. Four...
Noticing a smattering of new hair after months of chemo is bringing a little joy... Like many of us, I got through the pandemic without troubling a hairdresser and enjoyed for a while, long, girlish locks. As an older woman, it was great to sport, with some defiance,...