There is something I do many times a week that brings me immediate relief from tension and greatly reduces my stress. And I am quite sure it helps my mental health.
And yet, whenever I cry outside the privacy of my own home, I seem to cause alarm or embarrassment.
“Stop your blarting or I’ll give you something to blart about” was a phrase I frequently heard as a kid growing up in the Black Country. Blarting was the local word for crying since it resembles the ‘bleating’ of baby lambs, an unseemly sound to mimic in a childhood devoted to emotional stoicism. I smile now at the message my generation received with that response: if you dare to show emotional pain, we’ll make sure you feel even more pain for your trouble. Pain rewarded with pain.
Even in more enlightened times, we are still exhorted to hold back the tears, with crying seen largely as a sign of weakness, especially for boys and men.
Floods
Crying is a social signal too, sometimes a call for comfort. And yet so many of us struggle to respond in comforting ways in the face of another’s tears, urging them ‘not to cry’. This response immediately floods me with shame at my vulnerability.
Occasionally, I will meet someone whose response to my crying is open and attuned, like my oncology nurse who met my tears of frustration with validation and a gentle touch of the hand.
Despite this, I’ve worked very hard to loosen my emotional sluice gates. This has involved me noticing the triggers that might move me to tears and challenging the inner voice that bids me purse my mouth and squint my eyes to keep them from flowing.
For me, crying is a kind of safety valve to release of painful feelings that, if suppressed, could contribute to stress, anxiety, even depression and hinder my physical health too.
Calmer
Emotional tears flush the stress hormones and other toxins out of my system. Crying also releases the feel-good chemicals known as endorphins. In any event, nothing quite beats a good cry. I always feel, lighter, calmer, satiated somehow.
*During Mental Health Awareness Week I’ve been reflecting on the things that help my mental health as I live with cancer. I’d love to hear experiences and ideas from followers. Please feel free to comment here or email me at [email protected]
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